I'm alive, but just barely

Rowen is one month old today. I know it's so cliche, but where does the time go? Let me just tell you that I have never been more tired, more busy, more overwhelmed in my whole life. 3 kids is sort of kicking our butts. Somehow it's still awesome and amazing and I'm really, really happy. But man, I could use about 72 hours of straight sleep.

I really want to do a post about her birth, and have thought about it a lot since she came home, but literally have not felt like I have had a single spare second to sit down and compose a post like that. How do you mom's do it? Speaking of no free time, how in the world do you all have time to pull out your cameras and snap cute pictures of your baby? I have taken a very sorry amount. I'm already sad and regretful about it, but then another day ends and I didn't pull out my camera once. I feel like I'm feeding, holding, rocking, changing, bouncing her all day - and if I'm not busy doing that I'm feeding, dressing, helping Boston and Naomi. Also a good portion of my day is spent yelling at/punishing them for being wild and naughty. Occasionally I shower. Sometimes I eat. The laundry doesn't get done until we are desperate. It takes about 20 minutes to get all the kids in the car and buckled into their seats. Almost never do John and I get to talk. It's a handful. I knew it would be hard, but so far it's much harder than I planned. I can't usually say that either. I think I tend to prepare myself for the worst so I can be pleasantly surprised when it's better, but I underestimated the level of difficulty this time around.

But don't be fooled. I'm in baby heaven. Having a newborn is blissful. I might be sleep deprived and a little stressed about the state of my house, but I hold that baby all the live long day because I want to, not because I have to. She is almost always in my arms, and I miss her when she isn't. Her warm little body, her smushy cheeks, her sugar sweet milk smell - I die for all of it. We all do. The kids are just as obsessed with her. I don't want her to grow up. I don't want anything to change. I'll learn to live better on this insane schedule if she just promises to stay just the way she is. But, of course that is not an option, so I will get excited about her holding up her head, and cooing at me. Because that is special too.

Now my arms are all achey for her, even though she is sleeping soundly right next to me. Someday I'll write that birth story. It was a good day. But for now, it's time to snuggle my baby.