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Boston at 4.5
Your favorite color is green.  I automatically give you the green cup and plate and bowl at every meal.  You prefer milk over water, but your favorite is orange juice.  You love loft house cookies, fruit snacks, mac and cheese, and "white" vanilla activia yogurt.  You love ranch with almost anything, especially chicken nuggest "the ones in the freezer".  You love the show Wild Kratts (you used to call it Wild Craps).  You want me to scratch your back every night for you to fall asleep.  You hide from daddy when he comes home, you think it's a fun game.  You tell me playing inside is boring, and you only ever want to play outdoors and with all your friends.  You are mostly a big boy, independent, smart, funny... but the other night while I laid with you while you slept, I caught some glimpses of your baby-ness.  You still played with the hem on your short sleeved pajama shirt, and you make a sucking sound and motion when you fall asleep and close to when you wake up.  You call your dreams "sleep stories" and sometimes if I'm with you right when you wake up, you tell them to me, and you think they are real memories of things that really happened.  You mark time by how many "sleeps" or how many mornings until something happens.  You like to negotiate and make deals.  You are getting good at it.  When you tell me something you want or need and I say "yes" you sometimes say "is that a good idea, mom" or "that's a deal".  You love Rowen.  You love to carry her when I let you, and you are so helpful with her.  She loves you a lot too.  You eat a lot of breakfast, but hardly any lunch.  You never get your own soda, unless I get you a happy meal, but you love to  have sips of mine or daddy's, but especially dads mountain dew.   You call Naomi, "Maomi".  You want everyone around you to be happy.  You never exclude friends, you never bully, you are a sweet and gentle boy.  You always make me differentiate between grandma's and grandpa's.  There is a "california grandma" and a "no-ped grandma".  You told daddy that you don't want to live in Utah, but you want to live on an island with pirates and treasure.

Naomi at 3.5
You are all girl.  Tough as they come, but girly all the way.  You love princesses and pink and purple.  Tangled and Gnomeo and Juliet and Princess and the Frog are your favorites.  You are smart as a whip.  You memorize songs and movie lines, it never ceases to amaze me.  You are a firecracker.  Sweet one minute and sassy the next.  When you get in a mood, you say "NO!" in your sassiest voice as a response to anything anyone says to you.  Anything.  You are snuggly and still love to be babied.  You fall down a lot, are a little clumsy, but usually just pop back up with no tears or drama.  The other extreme is that you can be the most dramatic girl I know.  You love Rowen.  You are so good and gentle with her.  You are always so concerned about what she is doing, if she is crying, hungry or if she is awake.  You love to take care of your babies with me and do with them what I do with Rowen.  You love to talk about "when I was a baby" and even things like "when I was a mommy".  You are a talker.  Always talking talking talking.  In the car, to yourself, to me, to anyone who will listen and even those who won't.  You love for me to do your nails.  You ask to take your gummies first thing every morning.  You hardly ever eat any breakfast, but devour lunch and would probably eat 3 lunches if I let you.  You are the.messiest.eater. of all time.  Hands down.  Sometimes you get lazy and want to be spoon fed.  You give great compliments and love to tell me that I'm smart and pretty.  You like to dress yourself and almost always put your underwear on backwards.  You say a few things in your own way that I love.  You say "bix" instead of fix.   You hate to have your teeth brushed.  You are freakishly strong and solid muscle.  Your tiny body is so tight and toned.

Rowen at 9 months
You are the smiliest baby I know.  You are so social and stare people down until they make eye contact and smile at you.  You are crawling fast and climbing up to stand at everything.  Even though you are so mobile, you still love to be held.  You love daddy.  One night when you were sick and I brought you to our bed, it was pitch black but you heard daddy'
s voice in front of you and you just leaned your head forward until your forehead was leaning against his face, and you left it there.  You dive for me if someone else is holding you.  You get a little nervous if I walk away while a stranger is holding you.  You turn on your mobile in your crib when you wake up.  You put one of your pointer fingers in your mouth when you are being cute and a little shy.  You like to nurse on all fours.  It's the funniest thing I have ever seen a baby do.  You moan and grunt and thrust your body when you want me to feed you.  You love cheerios and any food we will give you.  You are ticklish and sometimes laugh when I take off your diaper.  You are impossible to change because you roll around like crazy.  You are so chubby and huge, people can't figure out where you came from.  You are a good sleeper, sleeping through the night and sleeping in pretty late in the morning (like 9am).  You love to roam around the toy room and find whatever you can get your hands on.  You love Boston and Naomi, and get so excited when you hear their voices.  You have no teeth yet, and no real signs of them coming soon.  You rarely snuggle now, unless you are very very tired.  When I can get you to snuggle with me, I swear I would hold you forever.  I'm obsessed with you.  I can't get enough of your smell, your chubby body, your gummy smile, your luscious lips, your pudgey hands.  I just adore every bit of you, even when you are naughty and a pill at church.  I could just keep you 9 months forever.  

Making the most of a dry winter

We have literally had the lamest winter season!  There was probably 3 snow storms when the snow actually stuck to the ground.  The kids would BEG to play in the snow and build snow men and go sledding.  Our neighbors got them these sleds at their birthday party, so one day, when John was off and there were some remnants of one of our sissy snow storms, we went searching for a sledding hill.  They had a blast, and it was a great reminder to me and John that it really doesn't take much to please these two.  This was the smallest hill ever at a random church in Cedar Hills, and they thought they were the bravest!  John and I rode down with them a few times, and they looked at us like heros.  Meanwhile, Row slept soundly in the car like the good little babe she is.

December in a glance, Part One

We took a trip out as a family get the kids Christmas jammies at the first of the month. I don't think I ever thought I would be the mom who loved this kind of cheesy stuff...

We attended Christmas in the Village at Boston's preschool, where the kids saw Santa. Boston wanted a basketball and apparently Naomi did too.

We assembled our neighbor gifts and rode around the block in the van while the kids delivered them door-to-door. They loved it.

My parents came to town for Rowen's baby blessing. Our family and friends came out to support us and have brunch at our house afterwards. I love my babies blessing days. People taking the time to be there for you always makes me feel so richly blessed. Thank you everyone for coming.

John of course gave Rowen a beautiful blessing. He always does. The special thing about my third baby, is that I feel so much more mellow this time around. In the past I have always been so stressed out about days like this - what if she barfs on her dress, what if she barfs on my dress, what if she cries during the whole blessing, what if no one comes, what if I don't have enough food, what if what if what if???? Not this time. No stress, no worries, no concerns. I think it rubs off on her too, she is mellow and a go-with-the flow kind of baby. So in some ways while 3 is really kicking our butts, I also feel like as far as taking care of just the baby, I got this.

This is just the first half of the month!

having a baby

a good excuse to stay home - all day - in pajamas. little smiles, just for me. the tiniest signs that she is growing, evident only to someone who spends 24/7 with her. kisses on her cheeks, her fingers, her tummy. the smell her head and her neck. finding spit up all over my shoulder after answering the door when I didn't know it was there. feeling so tired, but staying up late watching shows with John anyway. cheering for gas passed, bowel movements, and big burps. baby talk. nursing a baby to sleep. her squeezing my finger while she eats. fussing that goes away as soon as she is snuggled. hearing snorting and tooting from her bassinet across the room. getting "kissed" on my cheeks when she is looking for food.

nothing, absolutely nothing else I would rather be doing.

Rowen's story in words.

The night before, I didn't make it to bed until midnight. How are you supposed to sleep when you know you are having a baby in mere hours?? I woke up for a trip to the restroom (thinking about how glad I was that THAT side effect of pregnancy was about to end!). When I got back in bed I tried to think about anything but my delivery in the hopes that I could fall back asleep, but it was in vain. I laid there for the next 2 hours agonizing over all the details of the day I hoped to go perfectly, and then I cried thinking about how amazing my other kids birth days were, and then I said maybe the longest prayer of my life. By the time my alarm went off at 5am, I was feeling pretty calm - but crampy - and was really excited to make the 3 minute trek down the street to AF Hospital. We were scheduled to check in at 6:15 am.

By the time we were in the elevator going up to the Labor and Delivery floor, my contractions were really uncomfortable, but I didn't think much of them. I had been having them for the last 2 months after all. I got checked in, Jen Herem was already there waiting for us, and my nurses started getting me prepped. It was taking longer than I thought, and as the minutes passed my contractions got stronger. After a while, the nurses decided to start monitoring them. They had a heart monitor on the baby, but because I was having a C-Section they weren't paying much attention to my contractions until it seemed they were coming hard and fast. Once on the monitor, we realized they were just 4 minutes apart, then 3, then 2, and I was having a hard time getting through them. The baby's heart rate dropped and they hurried and got me on my side, hoping to bring it back up. The nurse said she wanted to check me since she was sure I was in active labor. I was a 4. I was a 1 just 2 days before at my last appt. This is around when I think I sort of lost my mind a little, the pain was so bad it almost felt like I was having an out of body experience. Who gives birth naturally?? The nurses called my Dr. and his P.A. who were both already on their way, but told them that they better hurry. Dr. Jones said we could start as soon as he arrived and to get my spinal and go ahead and get me in the O.R. before he got there. Before I knew it, I was walking to the O.R. and getting the spinal from the blessed Nurse Anesthetist. By the time I laid down, I could already feel the numbness settling in. John and Dr. Jones came in then, and literally 4 minutes later I heard my baby cry.

Now do you really want to hear the details of what a C-section is like? I'm not sure I want to remember! But just in case... here is how it went. The difference between the spinal and an epidural, is that it makes you numb to everything but pressure. So while I couldn't feel any pain, I did feel touching and pressure. It was really weird. It freaked me out, and I was freezing and shaking and those 4 minutes literally felt like a lifetime until they were over. I can recall like an hours worth of thoughts I had during those 4 minutes... they went so slow and miserable. I told myself over and over during that part that this was the last time, the last time the last time I would EVER do this. It helped a little. The worst part is after all the incisions are made, his P.A. basically put all her body weight on my chest to "pop" the baby out. It sounds awful, I know. Sorry. But trust, it was 10x more awful to experience. I yelled out as loud as I could. It was a weird sound that didn't sound like it came from my mouth, but it did. I hated it. But seconds later she was crying and so was I and in that very instant I knew it was more than worth it.

I sent John over to see her, the really nice Anesthetist stayed right by me and told me everything they were doing to me and the baby to make me feel more involved since I couldn't see anything. He walked me through it all. After she was weighed (7 lbs 15 oz) John came over to show me some of the pictures of her. I sent him back immediately for more. My nurses told me before hand that the baby nurses would probably show her to me and then whisk her away to the nursery while they closed my incision, but thankfully, they brought her over to me, held her to my cheek, helped me hold her in my own arms despite the awkward position I was laying in, and even took some pictures of the 3 of us. They were so sweet and I was so thankful. They let me hold her and kiss her until they were about done closing me up. Then John followed them to the nursery.

I was taken from the O.R. to recover for about an hour before they would send me downstairs to the Mother Baby floor. I sat there anxiously with my mom counting down the minutes until I could be reunited with John and our baby girl. John came upstairs a few minutes before it was time and showed me more pictures and video. I was so anxious to get her in my arms. Meanwhile, Jen was at the nursery taking more beautiful pictures of her. Finally, it was time and oh how sweet that reunion is! It's such an amazing feeling holding them outside your body for the first time. I couldn't get over all her hair. I just melted for her, and no matter how many kids I have, this experience will never get old, or any less special. We had called John's mom who was at our house with Boston and Naomi, and told her to come down with them. It wasn't long before they did, and we were so excited to introduce the kids to their new sister they had talked so much about the last few months. They came in with their cameras ready, and were pretty into her. Naomi especially. We expected the opposite just because of their ages, but apparently Boston's interest was short lived and he was ready to go ride bikes at home after not too long. Naomi however, wanted to sit on my bed with me, and she oooohed and ahhhhed over all her little baby features. She would say things like "look at her tiny tiny tiny toes!" It was sweet. Having my now family of 5 together for a little while felt amazing.

The 2 grandma's were so helpful that day and things went exactly how I wanted them to. I think when you are about to have an experience like childbirth (no matter the method) you feel very little if any control over what is about to happen to you. It's a scary feeling, and in that spirit, and in an effort to feel some control, I had some specific and probably rather anal requests about how minor details of that day were to go. I wanted John by me during the C-Section, with the baby after she was born, my mom in the recovery room with me so I wasn't alone, John in the nursery with the baby until she could be brought to me, and most importantly I wanted no one to hold her (besides John and Dr.'s and nurses obviously) until I could hold her. I wanted John's mom at our house with our kids until I was out of surgery. I wanted some time alone with her before they showed up. I didn't want any pressure of family being somewhere in the hospital getting antsy to get their hands on the baby before I could just hold her and enjoy her and not feel pressed for time. It literally all went the way I wanted, and I was so thankful. Thankful that everyone respected my wishes, thankful that we had that much help and support from both our moms, and so thankful that I got that time with my new daughter that I had been waiting for for so long.

The kids hung out with us, taking pictures and drawing pictures for the baby (who was still nameless). After a while John's mom went home and my mom took the kids back to the house. John and I got to spend plenty of time alone with her, which was nice. We had a hard time coming up with a name. We had a list of 4, and were struggling to narrow it down. She was so sleepy and we kept wanting her to wake up so we could get a better look at her face to see if one name would finally stand out. She basically never woke up those first 24 hours, other than to eat, so she remained nameless. Finally, 48 hours after she was born, on the morning we were going home, we settled on Rowen Faye. Once we decided, it seemed perfect and I couldn't really believe we ever considered any other name.

I still can't believe how amazing my C-Section was. Seriously, get one. I loved it. Ok, so that is a stretch obviously, and it's all relative, but I felt 10x better AT LEAST than after delivering Boston. I was up walking around 24 hours after, could get myself to the restroom, even pushed Rowen around the halls in her little bassinet. It was slow going and painful of course, but doable! After I had Boston, I was hooked up to IV's and a catheter until the day I left! And I could barely walk. It is dorky I know, but I was so proud of myself and felt like I was so tough that I could do those things so soon after. I'm not a girl who deals particularly well with pain. So the fact that I felt like I was recovering so well and dealing, made me so happy and relieved! I was hell bent on going home at the 48 hour mark, and I made it. It was a rough morning after getting sick from eating a greasy breakfast - and throwing up after having your stomach cut open doesn't feel nice, but I made it home anyway, and it was heaven to sleep in my own bed with no nurses coming in to check my blood pressure and temperature etc. Although, I must say, I sort of love staying at the hospital. I wanted to come home asap because of our insurance coverage at this hospital, but really I would stay a week if they would let me. I love all of it. A remote controlled bed, people waiting on you hand and foot, room service. It's the life, I'm telling you. I ate my body weight in saltines and shortbread cookies, and drank probably 3 times my body weight in cranberry juice and chicken broth. They even had pebble ice! It's not so awesome for John, he sort of hates it - and I would to if I had to sleep on a crappy cot and eat in the cafeteria, but I would have happily stayed.

So we came home with Rowen Faye. And life has never been the same since. I told Dr. Jones (who encouraged me to get a C-Section since it was supposedly my last pregnancy) that it was all so amazing that I might, juuuust might, want to do it all one.more.time. Any ideas on how to convince John?

I'm alive, but just barely

Rowen is one month old today. I know it's so cliche, but where does the time go? Let me just tell you that I have never been more tired, more busy, more overwhelmed in my whole life. 3 kids is sort of kicking our butts. Somehow it's still awesome and amazing and I'm really, really happy. But man, I could use about 72 hours of straight sleep.

I really want to do a post about her birth, and have thought about it a lot since she came home, but literally have not felt like I have had a single spare second to sit down and compose a post like that. How do you mom's do it? Speaking of no free time, how in the world do you all have time to pull out your cameras and snap cute pictures of your baby? I have taken a very sorry amount. I'm already sad and regretful about it, but then another day ends and I didn't pull out my camera once. I feel like I'm feeding, holding, rocking, changing, bouncing her all day - and if I'm not busy doing that I'm feeding, dressing, helping Boston and Naomi. Also a good portion of my day is spent yelling at/punishing them for being wild and naughty. Occasionally I shower. Sometimes I eat. The laundry doesn't get done until we are desperate. It takes about 20 minutes to get all the kids in the car and buckled into their seats. Almost never do John and I get to talk. It's a handful. I knew it would be hard, but so far it's much harder than I planned. I can't usually say that either. I think I tend to prepare myself for the worst so I can be pleasantly surprised when it's better, but I underestimated the level of difficulty this time around.

But don't be fooled. I'm in baby heaven. Having a newborn is blissful. I might be sleep deprived and a little stressed about the state of my house, but I hold that baby all the live long day because I want to, not because I have to. She is almost always in my arms, and I miss her when she isn't. Her warm little body, her smushy cheeks, her sugar sweet milk smell - I die for all of it. We all do. The kids are just as obsessed with her. I don't want her to grow up. I don't want anything to change. I'll learn to live better on this insane schedule if she just promises to stay just the way she is. But, of course that is not an option, so I will get excited about her holding up her head, and cooing at me. Because that is special too.

Now my arms are all achey for her, even though she is sleeping soundly right next to me. Someday I'll write that birth story. It was a good day. But for now, it's time to snuggle my baby.

Finally Fall

I felt (surprisingly, shockingly) up for some outings 2 weeks after Rowen's birth. Have I already told you how amazing C-Sections are?? Anyway, we took the kids to Cornbelly's and Thankgiving Point and out to pick pumpkins. The kids were loving all the fall festivities and could.not.wait for Halloween.

Look who is here.

Rowen Faye - 7 lbs 15 oz - 19 inches - October 10, 2011 - 7:34 a.m.