Road-tripping, it's not for sissies

We have been driving all over the place these last 2 months of living here in Syracuse with John's parents.  People are always making jokes about how I'm so crazy to be constantly taking road trips, sans John, with all three kids.  I figured since I'm pretty experienced at this point, I could share my system for making it work, and making it worth it.

Here are some of my must haves:
a mini van...
with a DVD player
ok ok... that's true, but ALSO:
iPod and headphones for me so I don't have to listen to Disney shows for 12 hours
Crystal light energy packets with water bottles so I can stay alert
lots and lots of salty snacks and treats - this also keeps me from getting too sleepy
a small cooler kept within reach for cold drinks
a new playlist to enjoy if/when ALL the kids are asleep at the same time, preferably one with a funny name.  We have some titled "Oregon or Bust", "Road to Hell" etc.  I'll probably name my next one "Don't kill the kids".

For the kids:
every movie we own
a backpack for each kid, kept at their feet
in their backpacks are small toys, snacks, juice boxes, coloring books, stickers, markers, crayons
a few treats like suckers, for desperate moments
our newest addition to the kids aresenal... the Wii, hooked into the car.  Genius!
each kid also has one blanket, wears comfy clothes and slip on shoes
for Rowen I keep her snacks, books, toys and bottle stuff on the passenger seat by me

On average, our drives are around 11 hours.  I can drive to the Bay Area in about 10.5 and Tif's in Arizona in 11.5 and Summers in Oregon in about 12.  My goal for each of these drives is to only stop twice.  We eat breakfast at home, top off the gas tank and hit the road.  We re-fuel and take a potty break about 4 hours in, then a few hours later stop again for a meal and more gas and another restroom break.  Then we don't usually stop until we arrive.  It works well for us.  I have split up all of these drives before.  We have slept in Truckee going to Summer's, Page going to Tif's, and Reno going to mom and dad's, and in my opinion it is NOT easier to split up the drive.  I feel like it drags in out and is so hard to get the kids back into the car on day 2.  I'd rather just get there and not have to think about long car rides until the trip is over in a week or so.

So that's all there is to it.  Keep wipes at hand too... and sanitizer for after using gas station bathrooms.  Eww.  And a phone charger.  Ok, I think that really is it.  As far as making it worth it... I would say that your trip needs to be long enough to justify the long car ride.  A week at least is what I need.  Often longer.  Going home is always harder than heading out.

It's a good thing I'm getting so good at this.  I took the kids to Concord for 2 weeks already, Gilbert for 1, and we are driving to Carlsbad in June, then back up to Concord, then Medford, then Tahoe, then home from Tahoe.  It would be a true statement to say that I put probably twice the miles on my car that you put on yours.  My minivan has been like a tiny apartment for us lately, and will be until our new home is done in July!  Hallelujah!

I'm not sure I still know how to do this...

Why did blogging go out of style? And why did having a third child feel like 

I may as well have fallen off the face of the earth? Basically, I'm hoping this lasts... But I'm feeling a renewed energy for blogging. I miss it. I miss having this outlet. I love instagram, but it's not the same. I think my motivations will be different this time around, and I may decide to be private (still unsure) but for now... I'm jumping back on this train. Join me! Let's bring blogging back in 2013!

Ps. If you follow me on Instagram, the pictures here will most likely be redundant. As much as I wish I could/would... I just don't pull out my big camera hardly ever. So iPhone photos are all I really have. My blog will just have a lot more words... So it's ok if you think it's boring and choose not to read it.... Let's still be friends in real life though. I won't take it personally. 

I never thought I'd see the day

The day I made my blog private.  But it's here.  I am.  I have always hated private blogs.  I haven't ever been freaked out by weirdness on the internet, but that isn't why I'm making my blog private.  I have (obviously) fallen out of the habit of blogging... and I'm sad about that.  Despite my attempts to revive it, I just can't.  I want to keep this record for my family, for myself, for some books, so I plan to resume posting regularly, but more journalistically.  Is that a word?  It's not going to be clever, or cute, or anything fancy.  I'm not going to write or post about things readers might want to know or hear about... I'm just going to post what matters to me.  So, chances are you won't find it interesting anyway, but if by chance you do want an invite, leave a comment here or shoot me an email at michele dot cloward at gmail dot com.  See you on the flip side friends!  Or on instagram, or pinterest, or facebook.

A letter to my 2011 self.

In January: You sold your house. Congratulations. You will stress for months, maybe years to come about how much *&^% money you lost, but it's ok, you don't know it yet, but you get to build a home you are going to love! You move in with your in-laws. It's not too exciting, but you will love living stress/burden free. You don't realize how much weight home ownership has until you are homeless. It's sort of awesome. You are potty training Boston. It sucks. Big time. But don't worry - he does figure it out. Eventually. Oh, and you get pregnant this month - but you won't know this for a while.

In February: You are miserably sick. You have a cold that has lasted 6+ weeks. You get pink eye. Then you get pink eye again. You spend time house hunting with John and find your home builder and choose a lot in Pleasant Grove. You are excited about this house, and you think that the stress of it all is what's making you sick... turns out there is a far better explanation, but you have no idea that you are in for the surprise of your freakin' life.

In March: It was a rough month. You blogged once. You are sick and lame. You find out you are pregnant. It's the craziest night of your life - no lie. For days - maybe weeks, when nobody knows but you and John, every time you see each other you share a knowing smile. You are terrified and thrilled. Oh, and sick.

In April: You share the good news. You emerge from the first trimester coma. Your house is officially under construction and making good progress, so you start making weekly trips to visit it. You will start getting antsy to move out. Calm down... remember how much moving sucks.

In May: It's a busy month. You have your birthday and Mother's Day. You go to Vegas with John, Nick and Ang. Then you come home and go to Florida to go to Disney world. You never blogged about it. You will regret that. You are feeling pretty good these days, but not as good as your second trimester last time. It's sort of a bummer. Your house is seriously almost done and it's crazy. You can.not.wait. You find out you are having a healthy baby girl.

In June: You close on your new house. John is commuting now from PG to Centerville, so you are unpacking, while still potty training (seriously Boss, wtf), while pregnant - ALONE. It'sreally not fun and pure chaos, but you are so happy to be in your new house. John has no time to help on the inside, but somehow he manages to oversee the landscaping that seems to happen overnight. Hmmm, still wondering how that worked?? You also celebrate your 6th wedding anniversary this month, your best yet.

In July: You are officially in your new home, dealing with all the stupid issues that come with new construction. You would rather forget this long, hot, husband-less month. Your kids will eat a lot of "pos-ca-pels". But, your parents and Landon do come for a fun visit, and you settle in Utah County life pretty comfortably. The neighbors are fantastic, the Alpine Loop becomes a weekly drive, and spending the 4th of July at Sundance becomes a new tradition. You buy and LOVE a new Honda Odyssey.

In August: You guys take a fun trip to California, and discover the best place on earth, Lahontan in Tahoe. It's a really fun trip, a last hoorah as a family of 5. You get put on bed rest when you get home. You spend a lot of time in bed or in your glider watching your kids play out front with their babysitter. You try to enjoy the chance to rest, seeing as how it's been a tough pregnancy, but it's hard. No one wants to lay flat for weeks on end.

In September: You get freedom from bed rest! It sends you into full blown crazy nesting mode, and you take on WAY too many projects to get done before the baby arrives. You hang wainscoting in the entry, dining room, and down the hall. You refinish a huge bunk bed. You paint stripes in Boston and Naomi's new combined room, you move the guest room office. You almost croak. Your ankles and calves swell to thrice their usual size. You get family/maternity photos taken by Jen Herem, and you love them. You also potty trained Naomi. Cake compared to Boston.

In October: You get in a car accident in the new van. It sucks, especially because it is 3 days before your scheduled C-Section. You give birth to the beautiful Rowen Faye. She is a heaven sent dream. It's all so wonderful you forget you swore this was your last pregnancy, and think you want to do it one more time. Your mom stays with you for 10 glorious days, while you recover (wonderfully, bytheway) you cry when the shuttle comes to take her to the airport. The first week on your own is pretty smooth sailing, but it's short lived. Shi* will hit the fan next month. But it's ok, you all survive.

In November: That sweet "baby high" isgreat while it lasts, but when it ends, you (and John) really hit a wall. You are both tired. The older kids are getting stir crazy now that it's cold, and Rowen is keeping you up at night. You get mastitis. By the end of the month, things will improve. You discover Rowen is a tummy sleeper, has acid reflux, and settle a little into a routine.

In December: Some things continue to get better - like Rowen's night time sleeping habits, while others get harder, like how to go anywhere or get anything done with all 3 kids. You do all your Christmas shopping online. You bless Rowen this month, and get a few date nights (with Rowen), but are happy to get out of the house and find some sitters in the neighborhood! Christmas is great, but John hates you for buying Naomi a kitchen that takes him hours to assemble Christmas eve night. You strike up controversy on facebook by posting anti-santa sentiments. The Grease Monkey and Gorilla Wash opened in Lehi. John is busier than ever, but at least he is close by. You look back on the year and can't believe how much life has changed in the last 12 months.

So Michele, it was quite a year. You did a lot, it flew by, you built a house and had a baby. It was a fantastic time in your life, it's even more obvious now that you are looking back at all of it. If you don't remember, one of your goals for the year was to slow down and enjoy your kids more. I don't think I would say you entirely succeeded, but given the circumstances, you didn't fail either. So let's shoot for that goal again in 2012. Your Christmas card from not one, but BOTH of your grandma's said that you would look back at this time and remember them as the "best days of your life". You know it's true, so slow down. Relish Rowen's infancy, laugh at Naomi's sass, appreciate Boston's stubborn independence. Do it in 2012. Make it the best year of your life.

P.S. You were kind of the worst blogger ever this year. Work on that too. And the worst at taking photos. Cell photo photo's won't cut it in 2012. Get on it.

Full of good intentions

I love the new year. It's coming at a perfect post-partum time for me this year. I'm feeling ready to take on some projects and get things back in order after letting pretty much everything slide for the last 3 months. Ok, more like the last 6 or 7, but let's pretend it's more like 3.

I have quite the list of resolutions this year. I'm feeling ambitious, but I have to aim high so that when I fall short, it's not a complete failure. And, most of my resolutions are broken down into fairly manageable schedules - so it should make it easier for me to try and stay on track. So I guess you could say the theme of 2012 for me is "a place for everything, and everything in it's place."

I adapted this 52 weeks of home organization projects to work for me and my home. I changed some of the projects, changed some of the order in which to do them, and printed a copy of my schedule. I'm taping it inside my cupboard in the kitchen, next to...

This cleaning schedule, also adapted to fit my home and lifestyle. Different days of the week worked better for me - so I changed a few things, but I think this type of daily system will work better for me than trying to clean my whole house in one day. That has not happened once since we moved to this house.

I'm planning to try the "Picture A Day" method. I mentioned how poor Rowen has fewer photos taken of her than my other children at this age, by a long shot, so this is my attempt to change that. I also got Photoshop Cs5 for Christmas this year, so if I take my camera out more, I'll take more photos, and thus put my software to good use. It's all part of a much bigger goal of mine to be a better photographer. Not a professional, just good. I am going to work on just taking pictures of my life. The way it is.

So cheers to a wonderful 2011, crossing my fingers for a 2012 that can even compare.

having a baby

a good excuse to stay home - all day - in pajamas. little smiles, just for me. the tiniest signs that she is growing, evident only to someone who spends 24/7 with her. kisses on her cheeks, her fingers, her tummy. the smell her head and her neck. finding spit up all over my shoulder after answering the door when I didn't know it was there. feeling so tired, but staying up late watching shows with John anyway. cheering for gas passed, bowel movements, and big burps. baby talk. nursing a baby to sleep. her squeezing my finger while she eats. fussing that goes away as soon as she is snuggled. hearing snorting and tooting from her bassinet across the room. getting "kissed" on my cheeks when she is looking for food.

nothing, absolutely nothing else I would rather be doing.

Rowen's story in words.

The night before, I didn't make it to bed until midnight. How are you supposed to sleep when you know you are having a baby in mere hours?? I woke up for a trip to the restroom (thinking about how glad I was that THAT side effect of pregnancy was about to end!). When I got back in bed I tried to think about anything but my delivery in the hopes that I could fall back asleep, but it was in vain. I laid there for the next 2 hours agonizing over all the details of the day I hoped to go perfectly, and then I cried thinking about how amazing my other kids birth days were, and then I said maybe the longest prayer of my life. By the time my alarm went off at 5am, I was feeling pretty calm - but crampy - and was really excited to make the 3 minute trek down the street to AF Hospital. We were scheduled to check in at 6:15 am.

By the time we were in the elevator going up to the Labor and Delivery floor, my contractions were really uncomfortable, but I didn't think much of them. I had been having them for the last 2 months after all. I got checked in, Jen Herem was already there waiting for us, and my nurses started getting me prepped. It was taking longer than I thought, and as the minutes passed my contractions got stronger. After a while, the nurses decided to start monitoring them. They had a heart monitor on the baby, but because I was having a C-Section they weren't paying much attention to my contractions until it seemed they were coming hard and fast. Once on the monitor, we realized they were just 4 minutes apart, then 3, then 2, and I was having a hard time getting through them. The baby's heart rate dropped and they hurried and got me on my side, hoping to bring it back up. The nurse said she wanted to check me since she was sure I was in active labor. I was a 4. I was a 1 just 2 days before at my last appt. This is around when I think I sort of lost my mind a little, the pain was so bad it almost felt like I was having an out of body experience. Who gives birth naturally?? The nurses called my Dr. and his P.A. who were both already on their way, but told them that they better hurry. Dr. Jones said we could start as soon as he arrived and to get my spinal and go ahead and get me in the O.R. before he got there. Before I knew it, I was walking to the O.R. and getting the spinal from the blessed Nurse Anesthetist. By the time I laid down, I could already feel the numbness settling in. John and Dr. Jones came in then, and literally 4 minutes later I heard my baby cry.

Now do you really want to hear the details of what a C-section is like? I'm not sure I want to remember! But just in case... here is how it went. The difference between the spinal and an epidural, is that it makes you numb to everything but pressure. So while I couldn't feel any pain, I did feel touching and pressure. It was really weird. It freaked me out, and I was freezing and shaking and those 4 minutes literally felt like a lifetime until they were over. I can recall like an hours worth of thoughts I had during those 4 minutes... they went so slow and miserable. I told myself over and over during that part that this was the last time, the last time the last time I would EVER do this. It helped a little. The worst part is after all the incisions are made, his P.A. basically put all her body weight on my chest to "pop" the baby out. It sounds awful, I know. Sorry. But trust, it was 10x more awful to experience. I yelled out as loud as I could. It was a weird sound that didn't sound like it came from my mouth, but it did. I hated it. But seconds later she was crying and so was I and in that very instant I knew it was more than worth it.

I sent John over to see her, the really nice Anesthetist stayed right by me and told me everything they were doing to me and the baby to make me feel more involved since I couldn't see anything. He walked me through it all. After she was weighed (7 lbs 15 oz) John came over to show me some of the pictures of her. I sent him back immediately for more. My nurses told me before hand that the baby nurses would probably show her to me and then whisk her away to the nursery while they closed my incision, but thankfully, they brought her over to me, held her to my cheek, helped me hold her in my own arms despite the awkward position I was laying in, and even took some pictures of the 3 of us. They were so sweet and I was so thankful. They let me hold her and kiss her until they were about done closing me up. Then John followed them to the nursery.

I was taken from the O.R. to recover for about an hour before they would send me downstairs to the Mother Baby floor. I sat there anxiously with my mom counting down the minutes until I could be reunited with John and our baby girl. John came upstairs a few minutes before it was time and showed me more pictures and video. I was so anxious to get her in my arms. Meanwhile, Jen was at the nursery taking more beautiful pictures of her. Finally, it was time and oh how sweet that reunion is! It's such an amazing feeling holding them outside your body for the first time. I couldn't get over all her hair. I just melted for her, and no matter how many kids I have, this experience will never get old, or any less special. We had called John's mom who was at our house with Boston and Naomi, and told her to come down with them. It wasn't long before they did, and we were so excited to introduce the kids to their new sister they had talked so much about the last few months. They came in with their cameras ready, and were pretty into her. Naomi especially. We expected the opposite just because of their ages, but apparently Boston's interest was short lived and he was ready to go ride bikes at home after not too long. Naomi however, wanted to sit on my bed with me, and she oooohed and ahhhhed over all her little baby features. She would say things like "look at her tiny tiny tiny toes!" It was sweet. Having my now family of 5 together for a little while felt amazing.

The 2 grandma's were so helpful that day and things went exactly how I wanted them to. I think when you are about to have an experience like childbirth (no matter the method) you feel very little if any control over what is about to happen to you. It's a scary feeling, and in that spirit, and in an effort to feel some control, I had some specific and probably rather anal requests about how minor details of that day were to go. I wanted John by me during the C-Section, with the baby after she was born, my mom in the recovery room with me so I wasn't alone, John in the nursery with the baby until she could be brought to me, and most importantly I wanted no one to hold her (besides John and Dr.'s and nurses obviously) until I could hold her. I wanted John's mom at our house with our kids until I was out of surgery. I wanted some time alone with her before they showed up. I didn't want any pressure of family being somewhere in the hospital getting antsy to get their hands on the baby before I could just hold her and enjoy her and not feel pressed for time. It literally all went the way I wanted, and I was so thankful. Thankful that everyone respected my wishes, thankful that we had that much help and support from both our moms, and so thankful that I got that time with my new daughter that I had been waiting for for so long.

The kids hung out with us, taking pictures and drawing pictures for the baby (who was still nameless). After a while John's mom went home and my mom took the kids back to the house. John and I got to spend plenty of time alone with her, which was nice. We had a hard time coming up with a name. We had a list of 4, and were struggling to narrow it down. She was so sleepy and we kept wanting her to wake up so we could get a better look at her face to see if one name would finally stand out. She basically never woke up those first 24 hours, other than to eat, so she remained nameless. Finally, 48 hours after she was born, on the morning we were going home, we settled on Rowen Faye. Once we decided, it seemed perfect and I couldn't really believe we ever considered any other name.

I still can't believe how amazing my C-Section was. Seriously, get one. I loved it. Ok, so that is a stretch obviously, and it's all relative, but I felt 10x better AT LEAST than after delivering Boston. I was up walking around 24 hours after, could get myself to the restroom, even pushed Rowen around the halls in her little bassinet. It was slow going and painful of course, but doable! After I had Boston, I was hooked up to IV's and a catheter until the day I left! And I could barely walk. It is dorky I know, but I was so proud of myself and felt like I was so tough that I could do those things so soon after. I'm not a girl who deals particularly well with pain. So the fact that I felt like I was recovering so well and dealing, made me so happy and relieved! I was hell bent on going home at the 48 hour mark, and I made it. It was a rough morning after getting sick from eating a greasy breakfast - and throwing up after having your stomach cut open doesn't feel nice, but I made it home anyway, and it was heaven to sleep in my own bed with no nurses coming in to check my blood pressure and temperature etc. Although, I must say, I sort of love staying at the hospital. I wanted to come home asap because of our insurance coverage at this hospital, but really I would stay a week if they would let me. I love all of it. A remote controlled bed, people waiting on you hand and foot, room service. It's the life, I'm telling you. I ate my body weight in saltines and shortbread cookies, and drank probably 3 times my body weight in cranberry juice and chicken broth. They even had pebble ice! It's not so awesome for John, he sort of hates it - and I would to if I had to sleep on a crappy cot and eat in the cafeteria, but I would have happily stayed.

So we came home with Rowen Faye. And life has never been the same since. I told Dr. Jones (who encouraged me to get a C-Section since it was supposedly my last pregnancy) that it was all so amazing that I might, juuuust might, want to do it all one.more.time. Any ideas on how to convince John?

Thankful

I'm thankful for my neighbors. My fireplace that is always lit. My 2 older children who are getting good at fending for themselves. My baby that is giving me long stretches of sleep at night. A husband that makes me breakfast, works hard all day, comes home and makes dinner, and never complains about the mess and dirty laundry. A steady paycheck. I'm thankful to have my van back from the auto shop. For kids who will sleep in the car. Diet coke. Ibuprofen. C-Sections. I'm thankful for antibiotics and modern medicine. For Country music - in the kitchen - with my family while we all sing along. For parents who come to visit us. And do our laundry and our dishes. For amazon.com for providing 99% of my Christmas shopping, with free shipping to boot. Kettle corn. Slippers. My glider. For long phone conversations with my sisters. Unlimited minutes and free long distance. The easiest calling in the ward. Date night. Rowen's smiles. Rowen's coo's. Rowen's everything. Fall/Winter weather. Boots and sweaters. Hot baths. Naomi's singing. Naomi's "dance moves". Homemade rolls. Pinterest. Boston's love of school and his letters and nursery rhymes. Boston's "Pledge of Allegiance". The way he say "indibisible". The way Naomi says "bix" instead of "fix". That the baby weight came off without effort, even if I will never wear a swim suit again. For nursing. For a great pediatrician. Our cul-de-sac. The loft playroom. For beautiful photos. For feeling overwhelmed, but in the best way possible. And being happy. I'm really thankful that I'm happy.

Finally Fall

I felt (surprisingly, shockingly) up for some outings 2 weeks after Rowen's birth. Have I already told you how amazing C-Sections are?? Anyway, we took the kids to Cornbelly's and Thankgiving Point and out to pick pumpkins. The kids were loving all the fall festivities and could.not.wait for Halloween.

A List

Some things worth mentioning (in my opinion):

• I'm beyond ready for Fall weather. Why can't I remember when that happens in Utah? I thought it would be here by now...
• I'm super anxious to hear the results of this news story. I seriously hope that right now Josh Powell is secretly thinking to himself "oh *&^%"
• I'm on a country music kick. Country Music and talk radio. So is John. This is why we love each other.
• Naomi and Boston like to say hi to strangers. The other day Naomi was yelling "HIIII!!!" at construction workers on our street from our open window. John said "Stop it Naomi, you're embarrassing yourself." I almost (might have) peed my pants laughing.
• I finally figured out that buying toilet bowl brushes for every single bathroom in this house makes WAY more sense that carrying one around. Why didn't anyone tell me this sooner!
• I'm nesting and it's making me crazy. I want every nook and cranny organized and decorated... which is so not happening in the next 3.5 weeks. Someone get me some valium or something.
• The other day Boston finally felt some really hard kicks from the baby. He giggled and laughed like he does so rarely when he is being really silly. It was one of the highlights of my life as a mom.
• Tonight in the car Boston kept telling John how much he "liked" me because I was "so nice", and Naomi said I was "gorgeous". I might have teared up a little.
• I feel like it might be time, or almost time, to pack a hospital bag - just in case. Why can't I remember what to bring. Someone remind me! What did you take with you last time you had a baby?
• Speaking of advice, any of you had C-Sections before? This will be my first (and last!) and I'm a little nervous what to expect as far as recovery goes. Am I going to be miserable?
• I'm kind of pissed this whole Missoni at Target turned out to be such a bust. Apparently mobs of women cleared the shelves immediately and now it's all for sale on eBay for hundreds of dollars. It's like the freaks on Black Friday (no offense if you are one of them). It makes me mad that people can't just shop normal, buy what you want and leave some for other people. Is it that complicated, or are you just that greedy?
• I'm loving the new season of The Rachel Zoe Project. John was in the room the other night while I watched an episode. His commentary was so hilarious that I might make him hang around every week. One thing he pointed out: that Rodger might be borderline gay. Never noticed much in previous seasons, but seriously, this time around it's weird. And apparently you only have to watch one episode to pick up on all Rachel's hilarious terminology. John now likes to say "_____ is everything" and "____ is ba na nas."
• Everyone wants to know if we have a name for this baby girl. The answer is no. We have 2 that we both love and she will probably end up with one of them, but I have to see her face first, then I'm hoping it will come naturally.
• I didn't mention that I got taken off bed rest. Hallelujah. The Dr. said I probably have what he would call and "irritable uterus". The funny thing is that while I hurt and ache more than ever, my contractions have slowed significantly since being back up on my feet. I'll never be pregnant again (mark my words) so it doesn't matter now, but I guess the moral of my pregnancy stories is that I contract between weeks 25-34 but then I deliver fat, healthy full term babies in the end.
• Naomi is obsessed with my tummy right now. She wants to rub it all.the.time and feels the need to expose it in public (hellllllo stretch marks!) I'm hoping this is a good sign to her warming up to the idea of a baby sister. She keeps talking now about holding her, but she cups her hands like she is holding a jelly bean, so this baby might be shockingly large to her when she is born.
• She still occasionally says "I'M the baby" when we refer to the little baby in mom's tummy. But she says it now in a sad/quiet voice instead of a loud/bratty voice, so it's probably important that I think of some ways to make her feel included and a special part of this process. Any tips? And is this a girl thing or a soon-to-be middle child thing? Because I'm not worried about Boston feeling less loved at all....??? Any thoughts?
• I did put together a gift for each kid to open the night before we have the baby. (Thanks for the idea Pinterest!) I got them each a little notepad and markers, some treats, a little stuffed animal, and a disposable camera. I plan to have them open them the night before, call it a gift from the baby, and have them bring their goodies to the hospital the next day. I think they will LOVE taking pictures of her with their own cameras. I can't wait.
• I didn't mean for this post to turn into all pregnancy/baby stuff but it did. Sorry. You kind of can't help it at this stage. You sort of feel like the world should stop turning because you are about to give birth. Pregnancy = narcissism. Don't laugh, it's so true. You do it too.
• Ok, last thing. We took family pictures tonight with this photographer. I'm really excited about her. Obviously I haven't seen the photos yet, but I really liked her, so so far I would recommend her : ) I DID NOT want a real maternity shoot, but I did want photos of my kids at this stage, right before our lives change, and I did want pictures while I was pregnant because I took almost none this whole pregnancy and I'll never be pregnant again, so I wanted some memories. In my mind I planned to do it sooner, so I feel much fatter and puffier than I envisioned, but I think I'll be glad we did them. I hope I am at least. She will also be photographing our birth (nothing gory, but she is coming to the hospital) and taking newborn photos of the baby with the family at our home a few days later. I hope she doesn't get sick of my family. John is teasing me that she should just move in and start taking pictures of our daily life. Funny John, very funny.
• This was kind of the thing I had in mind for our family/maternity shoot tonight, can't wait to show you all how ours turned out. : )

• Did you notice, I mentioned 3 different times in this post that this is my last pregnancy. It was accidental, but it's true. There is no way I'm doing this again. It's been awesome, but I'm pretty sure I think adoption is awesome-er.

Bedarrested

I'm 33+ weeks pregnant now, and the Dr. put me on lockdown for at least one more week. Remember when Boston gave us a little run for our money too? Apparently my body doesn't like to be this pregnant, and the way I see it - it puts me in the early stages of labor for about 1.5 months, instead of a few hours like normal people. So I contract regularly - and take crappy drugs to keep them at bay - and lay in my room like a hermit. Sometimes I move to the glider sitting by my windows so I can see the real world outside. It looks hot out there. The sad part about all this is, I would be willing to bet some money that I make it all the way to my C-Section date. She's not really going anywhere, she is just trying to scare us a little.

So, we have had a lot of help for the last 5 days, and will have lots of help from a new nanny for the next 5. I'm hoping/praying/crossing my fingers that the Dr. will ease up at my 34 week appt, but odds are probably not in my favor. If you want to know the truth, it doesn't suck that bad to lay in bed all day. I shop online, BLOG, make design boards for my house, watch movies and eat in bed. What sucks is not being able to take care of my kids. They don't understand what's happening so I'm sure they think I'm a lazy bum that doesn't get out of bed - like ever. They say (after I remind them that they can't climb on me or I can't lift them up to me) "The baby makin' you sick?" I just say "yes, the baby makes mom sick". They probably hate her.

So I'm sure no one else cares, but for my own sake, I'll document a little bit of how I'm feeling. If for no other reason but to hang it over my daughters head someday. I have had WAY more back pain this pregnancy. We flipped our mattress a few weeks ago to sleep on the non-pillow top side. It's not meant to be flipped, but our mattress was so soft I couldn't get out of it or roll over - literally. John is a trooper for sleeping on what now feels like a board. I have intense heartburn and shortness of breath this time. I swear on absolutely everything that I sleep with 6 or 7 pillows. 4 behind me to prop me up. One tucked under my back, one between my knees, and one to hold on to and support my belly. I'm extremely high matinence. Also, while my stomach is about the size it was when I delivered Boston at 39 weeks, I have gained significantly less weight this time. I'm assuming it might be because at this point with Boss I had been on bed rest for 4 weeks already. Eating and laying all day doesn't do as much for your figure as you might think. I'll probably start gaining a lot more now. A very weird thing that has been going on for about a week or so now, is my ridiculously heightened sense of smell. I never had this last time. I smell absolutely everything. My kids both have very distinct smells of playing outside and sweating. When they came home from my in laws the other day, they both smelled like they had been bathed in my father in laws cologne. John couldn't smell it at all. John walked in the room the other day and I immediately smelled blood. Smelled it. Like a freaking vampire. He had cut his finger while pulling weeds outside. It was so strong I felt like I could almost taste it. Am I grossing anyone else out? It's so weird. I'm a bloodhound slash vampire. I half expect to see people sparkling in the sun. Oh, and another weird smell I experience a million times a day - is the smell of my vents every time the AC kicks on upstairs. It's bizarre.

One good thing that has come from bed rest, is that it's a 24/7 reminder that I'm about to have my third child. As much as I have wanted this pregnancy to be over for the last month or so, I have not felt super excited about having a newborn. Boston and Naomi are so independent (relatively speaking) and we are in a new phase of parenthood. It's hard in it's own way, but I have more freedom with a 2.5 and 3.5 year old than I have had since having kids. It's been a little tough for me to wrap my head around the round the clock feedings, 10 diaper changes, 4 daily loads of laundry, frequent well-baby visits, diaper bag packing, burp cloth carrying, infant seat hauling life of a mother of a newborn. BUT, before you go thinking I'm heartless and selfish, I have known that I would probably feel that way until the second she is born and then it will go away - and I'll be content again with a tiny one. Except that, to my surprise, bed rest has given me more time to just focus on her. She is the only one I can take care of right now. She is the reason I'm laying in bed. She is the reason I'm following Dr.'s orders even if they are overly cautious. She is the reason, and I do it because I already love her. When I broke down a few days ago and cried to my mom about how hard it is to not mother my children, she reminded me that I was being a mother. I am mothering her by focusing on getting her here safely and soundly and good and chubby. It probably sounds silly, but I have been searching hard for a new photographer to take pictures for us when she is born. I have probably spent hours and hours looking at portfolios to find someone who had the style I was looking for, at a price I could swallow. FINALLY, last night I found her. I booked her right away, and honestly, looking at pictures on her site of other young families like mine, with new baby girls, made me incredibly excited for her arrival (in approximately 5.5 weeks, no sooner!). To nuzzle her, and have that out of body experience of giving birth, and seeing John hold her for the first time. Oh I can hardly wait. I think I'll melt the second my kids see her. Naomi with a little sister - I can't tell you how happy it makes me.

So, little baby girl. You might be making me suffer just a little right now, but I'm not mad at you. I'll be over the moon to meet you. But, I might put you in time out in a few years. It seems only fair.

Blogging

I'm not sure what killed my blogging mojo, but somehow it seems like it didn't just happen to me. Did life get busier? (sort of) Did I stop feeling like things were worth blogging about? (no!) Did I get sick of the typical mommy blog "thisismyperfectlifeinbeautifulphotos" (probably). Then, the last few times I have tried to get back into it, I find my own posts so beyond boring that I can hardly stand to even look at them! Didn't I used to be at least a little funny/clever when I wrote about my life or my kids?? What's happening to me??

Yesterday I got sentenced to strict bed rest for the weekend, so I have been blog hopping like the good old days, and come to find out - EVERYONE (almost) quit their blogs. Unless they turned their blog into some kind of business - 95% of the blogs I used to read are as outdated and lame as mine is. What is up with that?

So, the bottom line is that I would like to blog again. As totally and completely cliche as it sounds, I don't journal or scrapbook so this is sort of all I have, and I think my kids are cute and funny and my life is worth remembering. My sister says if I start making blog books then I will be more motivated. And maybe if I stop caring that my posts are the funniest, my pictures definitely aren't the most professional, and who cares that I don't blog about the things that stress me out or make me sad - cuz this is my blog and I don't write it for you, I will write it for me, and John and our kids. So here's to hoping I'm back, back for good, whether you read it or not.

In the blog-free meantime, I have definitely spent less time online than I used to, but when I am on my lap top, this is what I have been doing/reading/looking at/enjoying.

Facebook. So sad, but true. I debate weekly at least about deleting it. I get sick of unfriending annoying people who's status updates drive me crazy, and ignoring friend requests from either total strangers or people from the past who should stay there. BUT, the bright side to facebook is that it's a fun way to communicate with my current friends. We plan girls nights and play dates and share good finds and fun pictures. And I like to tease my husband on facebook. It's like flirting online (legally and lawfully since we are happily married to each other : )

Pintrest. Oh my goodness this is the best thing online by far. I never tried flickr or tumblr which I think might be similar sites, but for some reason I joined Pintrest and I'm never looking back. It inspires me to decorate my house, make crafts with my kids, plan cute/cheap parties for their birthdays. It makes me laugh daily with the hilarious quotes I find. It is making me (finally) really excited for a newborn with the beautiful photography and precious nurseries. Seriously, if you don't join Pintrest today, you are missing out.

KSL. com. Ok, so if you don't live in Utah and maybe even if you do, this isn't that exciting. But I have been back on a KSL classifieds selling/buying/trading binge. We sold our Honda Civic, shopped for an Oddessey, sold one of our cribs, sold our old kitchen island and bar stools, traded one of my old strollers for a new (amazing) bassinet for the baby.(see below!) Next up for sale, a dresser, a bed and lovsacs. KSL is awesome. It's like money in my pocket.

Online shopping. Ok, so you can't really call it shopping as much as "bookmarking". I have a Favorites Tab on my browser titled "New House-Furniture/Decor". I quote unquote "shop" at places like Overtsock, Amazon, West Elm, Urban Outfitters, Urban Home, Ballard Designs, CSN Stores etc etc. I find things I want, and bookmark them for later purchase (I hope). When you build a new house on 1/2 acre, your husband tends to spend all your money on the yard - so the inside will have to wait. I'm ok with that. I have made a few purchases. I got an amazing deal on a rug for the kitchen table from Pottery Barn, bar stools for the kitchen island I love (and John doesn't) from Amazon, and matching nighstands (finally!) from TJ Maxx/Home Goods. It's about time John stop using a freaking file cabinet as a bedside table.

GiggleDeals. So I just found this recently, but I love Giggle stores. I just spent like an hour in the Walnut Creek one a week ago. This is their version of a daily deal site, and it's awesome. I have my eye on a red wagon for the kids to save for Christmas. It's a great deal, I just have to decide if I can really keep it hidden until then. Knowing me, it would arrive and I would be to excited to give it to them and end up opening the box. Help me. It's hard not to spoil your kids.

Etsy. Not like this is anything new, but being pregnant makes Etsy all the more fun. Remember how Naomi being a girl was a bigfat surprise? Her whole wardrobe was supplied by my mom in one big suitcase that she brought the day we brought Naomi home from the hospital. It was amazing and awesome, but sadly only the newborn size clothes with work for this new baby girl. They are being born at opposite ends of the winter season, so I have been on the hunt for warm, practical, but cute baby girl clothes. There is also a bunch of things we didn't have for Naomi - like many swaddling blankets (she was not a big fan) or just cute girl blankets (we bought just 2 that we loved and were gifted a few, but lets be honest, lots that were given to us were NOT ones I would have picked myself), and hair accessories. First of all, Naomi needed none, she was born with a gorgeous full head of black curly hair. The tiny bows you attach with syrup didn't work in her hair at all, and back then they didn't make the dainty tiny headbands that are all the rage now. I have never been a fan of the huge bows, so besides a few cute ones we found, Naomi was usually headband-less. So I'm looking to buy a bunch like this in various sizes. I also really want a car seat canopy this time too. I used a Bundle Me with Boss and Naomi and I love it, but I like the idea of hiding my baby (especially considering she will be born the end of fall/beginning of winter. I like this one.

So, what else.... I find that most of the blogs I used to read daily (design blogs, photography blogs, lifestyle blogs which will remain nameless) are getting boring now and I have some new favorites in rotation now. So maybe while on bed rest for the next few days, I'll update this little blog of mine, new header, new links, new posts - the works. That way, if you aren't already sick of my "pins" overtaking your boards, you can be sick of my updates showing up in your google reader. And maybe I'll update my facebook status a few times, you know, just for good social-networking measure.

The Goings On

I have pregnancy brain. Half of what comes out of my mouth makes no sense and I forget words all the time. Here is a little catch up of what's been happening this summer.

We moved in (did I tell you that already)

We love love love our new house and neighborhood. We have had a few minor and not so minor issues with our home, but they have mostly been resolved and weren't really anyones fault - but we have had a string of some bad luck I guess you could say.

We are re-discovering Utah county. Things have changed since we were here in college. We have a lot of fun reminiscing about our dating/engaged days.

We love our new ward and new friends. Kids make socializing so much easier.

The new Grease Monkey is finally under construction after the longest hardest most frustrating last few months for John. This economy sucks.

I finally chose a new Dr. and hospital to deliver at down here. It was not an easy process. The good news is that I love him. The bad news is my insurance is frustrating and I'm probably going for a C-section this time.

We have had several visitors since we moved in. My parents and Landon came and then Tanner came. My mom will be back next week. It's been really fun, but exhausting and I pay the price with lots of contractions.

I think (knock on wood) Boston is finally officially 100% potty trained. It has been an ordeal to say the least. Bribery of a big 2 wheeler "Cars" bike (with training wheels of course) was what finally did the trick. I'm praying we have no relapses.

We spend all day every day in our front yard. Living in a cul de sac is seriously all that and more. I absolutely love it. We open the garage, the mom's sit in our camping chairs with our water bottles and popsicles, and the kids ride bikes play in the dirt with the tonka trucks and play in our little kiddie pools. It's the life. I don't get much done, but I'm soaking this up for now.

John is working and commuting which makes for really long days and a really tired Dad, but it hasn't been as hard on me and the kids as I thought it would be. He is definitely getting the shorter end of the stick, but in a few (5) months it will end and he won't be commuting, but will probably be working even longer hours. Owning your own business is no joke. We are grateful he works so hard and complains so little. Except on days when I don't have any dinner ready. : )

So there you have it. Our first month is Pleasant Grove has been eventful. I'm entering my 3rd trimester now and with open arms. My 2nd wasn't as kind to me as last time, so at least I'm nearing the end of this pregnancy. Although I'm still in denial about what that means... a new baby. How is this my life??

Boston's Field Trip

Boston's Preschool took a field trip to the North Salt Lake Fire Station. I left Naomi with my mother in law so Boston and I could have some fun with his class. I thought he would love it. Things didn't go quite as planned... I dry heaved the whole 30 min drive there, Boston fell asleep which meant when we arrived and I had to wake him up - he was a monster, he whined/cried wanted to be held and carried the whole time, I fought puking the whole time, and then did end up throwing up twice on the way home. In a taco bell bag. While driving on the freeway. It was like, the best day ever. But you might not know it by these pictures! See how tricky blogs can be? I could have just posted these pictures with cute captions with lots of exclamation points, telling you how much fun we had. But that wouldn't be real at all...

We don't look half bad considering... right? The only telling photo is the group shot with Boston's class. Don't you love it when your kid is the only one crying in a photo. I feel like it happens to me a lot.

Weekend in Denver

John's birthday gift from me was a weekend in Denver to see one of our favorites, Joshua Radin. We flew in friday night and came home sunday evening. It was the perfect getaway. We got some Christmas shopping done, drove by John's childhood homes, and even got to tour some amazing custom homes in his parents old neighborhood that happened to be having open houses. That is totally our idea of a good time! The concert was saturday night and it was amazing. We sort of accidentally ended up with the very best 2 seats in the house. He played almost all our favorites and his live performance did not disappoint. I would totally see him again in concert. In fact, he just added SLC to his tour so he is coming in March. Do it.

PS... don't know who Josh Radin is? Download these... "I'd Rather Be With You", "Paperweight", and "Winter". You might recognize them... a lot of his music is played on shows like Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, and movies like Dear John, Catch and Release, and The Last Kiss. You can thank me later.

Stuff we love

I recently discovered Dr Bronner's liquid castile soap when it was called for in a recipe I was trying for floor cleaner. I had never heard of it. Turns out it's amazing stuff. You can use it for literally everything, it's organic, vegan, and all ingredients are Fair Trade. Bonus! It smells amazing (I use Lavender) and it leaves my skin soft and not needing lotion when I get out of the shower. Try it.

Some people say their house smelled like fresh baked bread growing up, but mine smelled like boiling cinnamon. I tried it for the first time now that our house is for sale and needs to smell amazing all the time. It was nostalgic of my childhood, and it makes me happy.

I stopped buying stupid leaking sippy cups after I found these. Peel off the wrappers and you have the best sippy cups we have tried yet. No leaking, holds a lot of liquid, and fits in all our cup holders. The kids love these and the Disney Characters we have on ours.

Naomi has really dry skin, and her face chaps instantly in the cold, so this is on her face all day every day in the winter. Now I use it for both kids under their noses when they have colds. No more dried snot on their faces after naps - it's like a miracle.

Speaking of sick kids... I LOVE this stuff for mine. This flavor is great. I split one packet between their sippy cups, fill with half water and the other half juice (usually kirklands vitamin water) and they LOVE it.

Have you ever eaten at Cucina Toscana in SLC? You are missing out if you haven't. We went for our anniversary this year for the first time and have been back 3 times since. Best Italian food I have ever had - hands down. We went for John's birthday last night and it never disappoints. Don't miss out.

And about John's birthday yesterday - my gift to him was tickets to see Joshua Radin in Denver in a few weeks. His new album came out last month and we love him. If you haven't heard of him, look him up and you can thank me later. His music makes me happy. If my life had a soundtrack - Joshua Radin would sing every song.

What do you love?

Reminding myself

Don't you ever need this reminder?

I can't be the only one.

what happens when your macbook dies

I cleaned out both bathrooms, all the drawers and cupboards.
Cleaned out all our dresser drawers.
Cleaned out a dirty, dirty fridge.
Organized 2 BIG junk drawers and full cupboard of junk.
I have filled our big garbage can at least TWICE with all the crap I have removed from our house.
Tomorrow I plan to clean and organize the pantry and organize my filing cabinet.

I had no idea how much time I was killing on my computer. My house has never felt so neat. But ohh, when I get it back from the Genius Bar, I'll probably kiss it.

Confessions

I listen to a songs I like over, and over and over on repeat. John LOVES this about me!

I pick out an outfit at the beginning of the week, and often wear it days in a row

Not just some, but I would say MOST days, John comes home and I'm still in sweats and a t shirt

I can no longer pull off wearing a bikini

I have not one single ounce of baby hunger for the first time in 4 years

I love my husband a lot, and feel really lucky that he married me, but I don't say mushy stuff about him on the blog because he isn't the type that would appreciate it.

I pick up accents, words and phrases from people really easily. I talked like Tanner when he got home from his mission, and started talking like my Nashville friends after Africa. I have no idea I'm doing it.

I sometimes leave clothes in the washer so long they stink and I have to re wash them.

I leave dishes in the sink secretly hoping John will wash them.

I procrastinate almost everything

I like sad movies and books

I bite my daughters cheeks and she likes it

I have 2 big fears, acrophobia and megalophobia

I have an opinion about most (but not ALL) things

I think I give good advice (see above)

2 kids is kicking my butt, but I think I want 5 ??

13.1

My first (hopefully not last) 1/2 marathon in bullet points.

• So nervous the day and night before, like so nervous.
• Amazing dinner friday night at Cucina Toscana. Broke lots of rules about pre-race eating.
• Hilarious trip with Tiff & Dad to Orem Wal Mart. "You chicken."
• Night in the Provo Marriot - staying up WAY too late reading magazines with Tiff.
• Bed @ 2am, alarm at 4:15am. "Oh, time to get up!"
• Freezing our butts off in the canyon waiting for the stupid thing to start.
• Gun goes off, everyone and their mothers flew right past me. I kept my pace I knew I could maintain - I'm proud of that, you will see why.
• First 6 miles = most fun I've ever had! Awesome music, great pace, perfect temperature, downhill shaded course. LOVIN it!
• Miles 7, 8, and 9. Harder but still feeling pretty good, keeping my pace.
• Spotting people ahead of me that became my next target to pass. Around mile 9 I started seeing people I hadn't seen the whole race. They were the ones who flew past me at the start and now were walking and I was still RUNNING! Suckers!
• Mile 10, significantly harder. Exposed to sun, some steep inclines (or at least they felt like it).
• Mile 10.5, I hurt and I'm tired and I need another GU but there is no water station... someone kill me. I start calling Tiffany really bad names in my mind for telling me I could do this.
• Mile 11, a girl I had been running near for a long time is in front of me on a hill, I'm struggling but trying to keep the same pace as her. Around the corner comes her little 5 yr old boy, running towards her smiling. Holds her hand and runs a short ways with her.
• I cry a little, but this gives me the boost I need.
• Mile 11.5, me and aforementioned girl with the inspiring son run together. No talking, just encouraging each other to keep running.
• Mile 12, so close can't stop now. Keep thinking how proud of myself I am! Re start my playlist to motivate me.
• Mile 13 to the finish - I feel like I'm running but also feel like I'm barely moving (as you can see in my pictures). So hot, so tired, sore feet, calves, and knee.
• Finish line with my nameless running buddy = euphoria.

I was really proud of myself. It sounds so silly I know, but I think the only time I have ever been more proud of myself was after I delivered Boston. It feels amazing to push your body to do things it's never done before. I finished at just about the time I expected to, at 2.5 hours. I had a more ambitious goal time before I signed up to go to Africa. Ethiopia fell right in the middle of my training program and I took almost 3 weeks off because of that trip. I thought a few times during the second leg of the race that I wished my body would let me run harder and faster, but I reminded myself that I went to Africa instead, and I would choose that again, any day of the week.

The next few days I was so unbelievably sore. But as soon as I could walk up and down my stairs without tourettes, I couldn't stop thinking about what I wanted to run next. I get now why runners keep running. It's addicting, but not for the reason I thought. The high you get crossing the finish line is great, and running the actual race was really fun (for the first 9 miles at least) but the part I want to experience again is everything that leads up to that. The training hours and sacrifice you put it is hard, but at the end to look back on it is so gratifying.

I ran 13.1 miles.

And I think that is awesome.