All my life I have been a quitter.
I'm not proud, it is just a fact. When I don't like something, I don't do it. A job, a class, a relationship... they would all end like this...
"The hours were crap, so I quit."
"He got annoying, so I dumped him."
"The class was boring, so I dropped it."
There are very few things that have taken me out of my comfort zone, or made me uncomfortable that I actually follow through with.
With that being said, I tried to prepare myself for how hard nursing would be. I knew about all the benefits for mom and baby, and so I made the decision early on, that I would persevere through the pain and I would breastfeed my baby. I watched all the Baby Story's on TLC and heard all the new moms talk about how hard it was, way harder than they expected. It bugged me when they would go back to to those moms 6 or 8 weeks later, how many of them had given up, because it was hard. I thought to myself... "how lame... that will never be me."
Then, I had a baby.
Boston was not a good latcher, and I had no idea what I was doing. Then, I cracked, and bled, and nursing sessions lasted over an hour, and I got clogs, and engorged, and I thought, WHAT is this TORTURE all about?? All the sudden I felt guilty for judging the moms who didn't stick it out. Who are these women who talk about how natural and intimate nursing is? I sat there with tears springing out of my eyes, and my toes curling, having to breathe like I'm in labor every time he latched on.
But, for the first time... I didn't quit.
I thought about... and really considered it, but I didn't quit.
It took a good 8 weeks to feel like we had it all figured out. And then, I was so glad I didn't give it up. I loved it. It was special. It was something only I could give him, a way only I could comfort him. It felt natural. And he was growing like a weed and I was proud. Proud of my healthy baby, and proud that it was me that was providing all he needed.
So here we are, nearly 7 months later. I have gotten mastitis 4 times. Every time I want to stop nursing. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep getting sick like this. But the thought of quitting now it heartbreaking, first of all because I'm not ready to give up that time I have alone with my baby, and second of all, because I feel like giving up now is quitting, and I want to be able to say that nursing is the first thing I didn't quit.
I might change my mind if a 5th installment comes my way soon, but for now, I'm not giving in yet.
So I don't know why I'm sharing this, I just am. And I have nothing else to update since I'm currently in the middle of round 4 of this awful infection.
Hopefully happier things to share soon!
14 comments:
I am days away if not hours away from having a baby and been wondering how breastfeeding will turn out for me. I have heard some really awful stories, but have also heard about how wonderful it is if one can stick with it. I hope you feel better soon and thanks for the motivation to stick with it.
You are awesome! I hope that I can nurse! I really want to and whenever I feel like giving up I'm going to come back to this post and get some encouragement! :)
Michele, I wish we had talked about this because this is something that I am totally nervous about. I don't think that I have met 1 person that doesn't have some story (although I think most of them quit before getting mastitis 4 times. . .you are definitely NOT a quitter) about how nursing was hard. Anyway, I guess it will just be 1 more thing that will cause pain and I just have to suck it up right?!?!? Thanks for the inspiration.
Good for you! I had the same issues with mastitis, it hurts! But I'm like you, the rewards are far worth enduring the pain. By the way, Boston is such a cutie!
Way to go Michell! I couldn't do it. Three kids latter and pumping for six moths straight with the last one and I don't know if I will ever breastfeed one of my children. It was just way to much pain for me. I am amazed at how many mom's around here can stick it out for the long haul. You are truly amazing in my eyes.
You are awesome! I like some others couldn't do it. I got mastitis so bad I was in the hospital for days with a temp of 106.3, and released 3 days before Christmas. I was a quitter and thought I'd get mastitus again just as bad so I stopped. I felt like an awful mom. But she is strong and smart...so I'm grateful for that. I hope that you get feeling better soon, and if you need anything I'd be glad to run something by for you!
Michelle I am right there with you... the pain of nursing in the begining was hard, frustrating, stressful, and we can never forget PAINFUL. I am so proud of you for sticking with it. It is so special to me now though and I am glad that all those rolls he is getting is coming from me! :) Keep hanging in there! You are awesome!
Ah Michele, there is nothing worse the feeling guilty when it comes to your kids. Man this is a tough one. I might not be the one to give such good advise on the matter. I have three children, my first I was very young as you know. I tried my harderst to nurse her, she was just a month old when I had to have surgery.I ended up staying in the hospital for a week +. I pumped every day so I could keep it up when I got home. When I got home it was like the first days all over again. The pain was WRETCHED!. I bled, & bled. I tried to pump and the bottles turned red with blood. I could not feed my baby blood filled milk. This went on for weeks. I did in the end give up. Then baby #2 I tried again, but yes the infections, the bleeding it was becoming a issue of whenever the baby was hungry I was feeling resentment for the pain I was going to be in when I had to feed her. I tried for several weeks, but then did give up. Baby #3 I decided before I even gave birth to not even try it. You know what I felt completey at peace with my decision with no stress or guilt. I knew for me that nursing was not my thing. I realized that the stress I was feeling regarding this was affecting my baby & the relationship I was building with them. I decided to go with what I felt would be best for us both. Some would say that was a chickening out decision or selfish on my part. But for me it was what I was ok with and in the end it was my body & my decision. It's a presonal choice for sure, and is only your decision that matters. So Sorry for the HUGE mini novel on my thoughts on the matter. But I think it's important to hear many different sides to this topic. Hope you make a choice that is best for you & for Boston. And of course he is the most adorable little guy! And is loved by his mother & father and that you can tell!
I am so proud of you, as I know how hard it can be! I struggled with nursing Luke- but I was able to make it trough and nursed until about 10 months. With Max, it was sooo much easier since I knew I could do it and knew what to expect. I know nursing isn't for everyone, but I also know that it is such a blessing for those that are able to do it. I loved it and know exactly how you feel!!
Glad to hear I am not the only one that has a few issues with being a mom. :) Oh and you are so awesome for sticking with the breast feeding. I did pretty good at first with it. But it got to be to much for me and way to stressful so I quit. And believe me i felt like the worst mom ever. Sometimes I regret it but can't take it back now. But seriously I didn't have any of the problems you had so you are like superwoman to me for sticking it out. :)
Michele, I bow down to you. I completely understand the cracking and bleeding and pain. I used to cry every time Truan started to root around like he was hungry. I was so afraid of putting him back on my boob. It was SO dang painful. But I(knock on wood) have not had to deal with mastitis. You are amazing for sticking with it. The benefits for you and Boston are tremendous! Physically and emotionally. Boston is lucky to have a mom that doesn't quite! I love ya, e-mail or call me if you want someone to complain to!
Michele,
I'm proud of you, finally you have quit quitting.
Did you know that you can totally cure mastitis with Pineapple? It doesn't have to be fresh either. You can get it out of a can. I just suggest you pick a brand you can stand to eat. My favorite is DOLE but I know that is the most expensive. Of course when Pineapple is fresh in season and tastes really good then go that way.
I AM NOT KIDDING: You know when you are getting it because is hurts and that is when you want to get the pinapple in ASAP. it takes a couple of days to a week but within 24 hours, you will have a noticeable difference in pain and by day 4 or 5, the pain will be completely gone and you didn't have to pay the doctor fee and go to the pharmacy.
I love it when something natural takes care of something they write prescriptions for and costs alot less.
well you made it through mandalyn academy, so you really are NOT a quitter.
i can't believe that you have had a infection 4 times now!! i am so sorry - how painful that would be, i don't know - but i can't and do not want to imagine it.
nursing is hard. i have very mixed feelings about it. it is so good for the baby and easy on the budget that i am trying so hard to just get through it - but it is exhausting and frustrating and hard and time consuming!
good luck with whatever you choose to do. i think the fact that you have made it 7 months this far is quite an accomplishment - you should be proud!
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