today I cried

when I saw this picture.


and I should have known better and stopped looking, but then I saw this.

and I cried some more because I remember so vividly taking this picture, and I remember what it felt like to hold him when he was that tiny, and I remember how I felt to be a brand new mom, and I remember how he smelled and how warm he was and I remember how firmly I believed in miracles that day, because I was holding one.

I was looking through all these pictures because I'm putting together our adoption profile. It's a little book that sums up our life in words and pictures in a few pages so birth moms can get a feel for who we are and what kind of parents we would be to her baby. This step is so much harder than I thought. So much more emotional (obviously).
How do I put into words how I felt when I became a mother?
How do I express to this woman how badly I want her to choose me?
How will she ever know how much love I have to give to her baby?

I'm only sharing this for 2 reasons, one because I want to remember this day, when Boston was napping and John was at the Priesthood session of conference, and two, because I want to ask you all if you were considering adoption for your baby - what would you want to know about me, and what would you want to see pictures of? Me and John, me and John and Boston, our home, our hobbies, our vacations? Our friends, our extended family? I can't include everything because I don't want it to be so long she doesn't want to look through the whole thing. So what would be important to you? Odd question I know, hard to put yourself in her shoes, but that is why I'm asking, because this is hard for me. So anyone with any input is welcome to share.

And I hope you enjoyed conference today. I loved Uchtdorf's and Wirthlin's talks especially.

"Come what may, and love it."